Prayer Journal 10/13/2020
Dear God, Over the last 2 decades, you have slowly revealed to me the intended purpose of the gifts you have given me. It took so many pitfalls and failures. With each stumbling moment, I became more resilient towards life. Each heartbreak was an opportunity to love through the most difficult circumstances. 2 Timothy 2:23-26 Don’t have anything to do with foolish and stupid arguments, because you know they produce quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth,and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. With the combinations of failures, health trials and heartbreaks, You called me to do Your work. The difficult experiences navigated me to recognise unhealthy connections rather instantly - I guarded against all damage and learnt to negotiate hardships. It took me years to clean up and get vigilant to steer clear of unnecessary exposure. Over time, I learnt self-love and self-protection, only to understand now, that I only need to invite You in - I would understand how to love myself when I love You.. and You protect me regardless. All I need to focus on is how to serve You with the gifts bestowed upon me. By doing so, I bring glory to You. Romans 12:11 Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. The peace I found in serving You, perpetuated an ongoing conversation that has no beginning nor an end - for 30 years and counting. It was through these callings that my potential showed up, it was clear to the world - but it took time for me to fully grasp the spiritual shape I was supposed to assume - for every great fluke that caught on was an opportunity to give You all glory. Nothing I ever did in my own right or to benefit myself would ever shine as brightly, and this has been the secret to my accidental successes. Now I see my might didn’t come from me at all. 1 Peter 4:10 Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms You visit me with visions so often that I have homework to do everyday. I love being busy with a purpose and maintaining a sense of gratitude came naturally. Relationships that didn’t edify that side of me were removed from my life, as requested. Matthew 21:22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer. You are a faithful and benevolent God, I am proud to be a champion for you - but you made me wait a truly long time. I had to earn it through decades of stress and strife, and finally I slowly steered my life deficits into a fruitful venture. With that, I attracted loyal people into my court who were hard to convince - always given a unique position in society.